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Thursday, February 24, 2011
Hearing the Voice Of God (Poverty)
I hate waiting so long to write on my blog, because my experiences pile up, and I don’t have time to write about every one of them. I’m just going to have to pick one. Well, I have honestly been lonely… not lonely for people, but lonely for people who speak English. It has, although, been an amazing opportunity (surprising one) knowing that I can communicate more than I thought in French. I have these random moments where I am just overwhelmed with the blessings that God has bestowed upon me since I have been here… the gift of tongues!!! I mean, that’s something to praise Him for right? Its absolutely sweet!
I was at my house the other week. I don’t know what it was about this day, but I just did not feel like being with anyone or talking to anyone. I forgot that it was Thursday. I’m supposed to teach a student of mine English every Thursday. I got up the courage to come out of my room to talk to him. As soon as we were finished, I saw a man at my gate. He was a feeble old man who had a young boy holding him up so he could stand. It looked like he was blind as well. This man was not in the best condition whatsoever. I went over to see what he wanted. He didn’t speak any English or French, but thankfully my student helped translate for me. He started saying something in Fulfulde with his weak voice, and Josias (my student) translated it in French. He was hungry and wanted me to spare some food for him. Since I was not in the greatest mood, the first thought that came to my mind was “great… if I feed him then I have to feed the whole village of Koza! I can’t do that!” I quickly replied that I didn’t have food, which I did but was not willing to give up. As soon as I turned around to walk away I was stopped in my tracks by the voice of God:
“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.” (Matt 25:35,36)
I couldn’t imagine that verse popping into my head by any other chance but to mentally “slap me in the face”, reminding me that I am not here to be served but to serve. Before taking another step toward the house, I turned around and told the man to wait. I went into my house and rummaged through my fridge to find a bag of bread. When I brought it out to him, I was not prepared to receive the thankfulness he showed me. Since I knew that it was only the Lord who allowed my hard heart to be softened in this occasion, I took the opportunity to tell this man that it was not me he needed to thank but the Almighty God who showed blessings and mercy upon him by allowing him to eat. I couldn’t give glory to myself because it was only the Lord who stopped me in my tracks and changed my heart before I would have made a stupid decision. Praise God for the opportunities of humbleness in which shape and mold our characters into the character of Him.
There are so many poor people here. I am convinced that that is why they take care of each other so much… they are obligated. They can’t survive on their own. I have talked to many nurses in the hospital about the problem of poverty and sickness because of the loss of food. I am shocked to find out that every nurse I have talked to has had an experience one time or another in their lives in which they have had a fear of starvation or didn’t know when the next time they were going to eat was… Nurses who have a fairly good with decent pay. They had to go through suffering before they could have a better life. It is not America for sure. May the Lord support and provide the means for people to live here… it is such a poor place. I am confident that when the Lord comes to take us home, he will reward these people… especially in Koza. My life will never be like this… they did not choose where they were going to live, but they survive their circumstances. I am thinking of the poverty of Koza today…
Posted by Elissa

Monday, February 7, 2011
Early Morning
Early in the morning, about 5:30 AM, I was woken up by my phone. Immediately I knew that it was the hospital. When I am woken up from my sleep abruptly, I don’t think as clearly. I called back because I thought maybe the Doctor needed the Internet stick… he told me to come to the hospital immediately. Still half unaware of the situation, I fumbled around my dark room, trying to find my scrubs. 5 minutes later I was running to the hospital. I walked into Maternity to see a woman lying on her side on the operating table. I took a quick glance at the problem and knew that something was prolapsed. I went into the surgery center and asked the Doctors what the problem was. The woman had tried to deliver at home, but the baby’s position was wrong. The thing that I thought was prolapsed was the baby’s arm. I got a closer look at it later… the baby was already dead. They brought her in to do surgery to take the baby out and to do a hysterectomy. I began preparing her IV and taking her vitals.
As soon as we had her on the operating table, Doctor Roger went out to get blood from the family before we performed the operation. The family had left… she was alone. They did not want to pay for the operation, so they waited until brought her into our care, and left. We still needed blood, and I was not about to send her away. I asked what blood type she was… A+. I rushed to the lab, asking Clara to once again help me donate blood to the woman. I am A-. As soon as I had the bag of blood in my hand, I ran back to the operating room.
The surgery persisted for quite sometime. They finally did a c-section and removed the baby… I always wonder who that child could have possibly become. As they started doing the hysterectomy, they called me to scrub in. I was so excited because usually I just sit around and wait until surgery is over and I have to clean up all of the mess that is left behind. This was my chance to again be apart of the action! I quickly sterilized my hands and put on my sterile gown. I was now a scrub nurse and I felt great about it!:)
You have to understand that I was at the hospital early in the morning, had not eaten anything since the day before, and I had just given a bag of blood, 500 ml. All of a sudden, I felt like I had to vomit. I thought that it was just in my head, and I stayed quiet. 5 minutes went by, and I couldn’t stay silent any longer. I told the Doctors, “I don’t feel so good”. Not a minute later, I was feeling light headed. The anesthesiologist caught me in his arms and laid me on the floor. I had become too weak to stand. This was the most horrible timing! It was finally my chance to be apart of surgery, and i had to get light-headed and pass out on the floor.
As I was sitting on the floor, waiting for my weakness to be overcome, I thought to myself, “this is so embarrassing, I need to get up and help!” I stood up slowly, and told them that I was still sterile!:) They laughed and said they could take care of the rest of the surgery.
The surgery took 5 hours. At the end, I went home to get food in my stomach and to regain energy. The whole day I felt weak, but I knew that I had donated blood for a good cause. As some of you might know, I love to donate my blood to different causes. After I registered to come be a missionary in Koza, I had bad news to come along with it. I would no longer be able to donate blood in America. First, because I would be in a malaria infested country for more than a month, and second, I would most likely contract malaria during my stay. Those two reasons make me incapable of donating blood in the US. I will take every opportunity God gives me to donate to people who need it here because it is my only chance. It is better here than anywhere at this point.
God is protecting me and using me in mighty ways, and praise him for that. My weakness is always covered by the power of God’s strength. I have been neglecting prayer lately and I feel myself becoming more frustrated with things that I use to be patient with. At the beginning of my time here, everyday I prayed that God would keep me patient… I need to start praying that prayer once again.
Posted by Elissa

Friday, January 28, 2011

My days
8:30 AM Sometimes late at night, as I lay quietly in my bed, I hear the screams of unfamiliar women outside. I try to put myself in their shoes and picture what they might be going through… it is impossible. Maybe they are running from their husbands who want to “show them who’s boss”, or they are wailing over a loved one who just passed away. It is difficult to hear those sounds at night when my life doesn’t compare in them in the slightest.
I apologize for the absence of blog posts lately. It has been a busy holiday, and a lot has happened. I keep telling myself “Elissa, you need to keep writing your experiences or you will forget everything!” Again, I’m not really sure where I left off. This New Years was the first time I actually slept before midnight. I got woken up abruptly by two phone calls from America wishing me a Happy New Year, which made my week?. After new years, it was a countdown until my mother and Diane’s arrival. Some days went horrendously slow, and other days I had no time to think about their arrival. Finally, the day came when I got to hop in the car and go see them. It was a fantastically wonderful reunion. There were, of course, tears and smiles as I looked into my mothers and I looked into each other’s eyes. Before I came to Cameroon, my family and I had talked about the possibility that I wouldn’t see them for 9 months. We decided that for me to have my own experience, it would be best for us to stay apart for those months. Well, my mother did not take that too seriously especially after 4 months of not seeing me. I am glad that she took the opportunity to come and see me as well. Not only was it nice to see her beautiful face, but also I was running out of American supplies?
While my mother and Diane were here, I tried with all of my strength to show them the full experience I was having here in Africa. You can imagine how difficult it is to fit a whole 4 months of experience in 4 days. Thankfully, Koza is not a big place, and we had time to share everything by the time they left. I can’t even tell you everything that happened in those 4 days without writing pages and pages, but I can tell you that God blessed much! He has, through my mother and Diane, giving many gifts of love and comfort to these people. I will hear about them in Koza probably until I leave.
After the short four days that they were here in Koza, we traveled to WAZA where we would spend the remainder of our time. It was a “safari” type of place, but when I say that, don’t expect that we were in paradise. It took us almost a whole day and a half to know that they even had running water to take a shower. It was the cheap version of a safari, but it was a great experience. We saw giraffes, elephants, and many other beautiful animals. It was pretty intense.

2:15 PM Continued… I couldn’t finish my blog because I had to get to work. My goodness was today a good experience. Yesterday I went to work, but I was very sick because I had to travel for 9 hours from WAZA to Koza, but today I was strong. I went to Maternity because I heard that there was a delivery. There are two girls from South Cameroon who only speak English, so I can communicate with them very well. I asked them if they were going to perform the delivery and they nodded. It was going to be there second time only. Since I am always interested in deliveries, I stayed close by. As we were watching for the head to come out, we all noticed that the head was too big. Ganava had to do an episiotomy. So as the woman was pushing with all of her might, he cut a little slit in her vagina so the baby’s head would come out, thus causing the suffering of the baby to end quickly. Yes, we used Lidocaine so the mother wouldn’t feel pain during the process. The baby was not breathing or crying very well, so I quickly escorted the two girls to help me give oxygen. We also kept patting the baby’s back so he would start crying. By the grace of God, he started to cry? I love it when that happens…
What I didn’t realize was that I would be put in Ganava’s place for the next women who walked in. It got a little crazy because there were two women in the OR who needed to have help. Since Ganava was busy with the women prior, he asked me to help with the other woman who was delivering. I quickly realized that I was going to be the teacher of a delivery. Just like the delivery before, this woman needed an episiotomy. As she pushed and pushed with no result, I asked Ganava if I could do the episiotomy. I had seen it many times, but I had never done it myself. He told me to go for it. I quickly got 5 cc’s of Lidocaine in a syringe, numbed her vagina well, and cut a slit so the baby’s head could come out perfectly. The same time I was doing the episiotomy, I was teaching the Limbe girl how to receive the baby. I am not very good a multitasking, but the Lord helped me to accomplish everything well. At the end of the two pregnancies, I looked at the two women and the two healthy babies with joy. The Lord provided for me and the people in the OR. I can now say I am ready to teach people how to deliver babies (in Africa)!

9:00 PM continued… I came home from visiting the surrounding villages and after choir practice this night. I found a woman staying outside my house with Pierre my guard at night. He said that it was Isaiah my housekeeper’s wife. I quickly invited her inside to eat my daily dinner with Pierre. Pierre continued to tell me why she was staying at the house. Her 20-year-old daughter had just passed away of who knows what, and she was traveling to see family. She was going to stay in this horrible smelling room that is compared to the garage or worse in America. She was going to sleep on the cement floor. I told Pierre I couldn’t handle that so I made a bed for her in another room. When she came in a saw, she almost fell over with excitement. I do not have to do a lot to show God’s grace on these people. She will only stay here one night, but I am glad I got to do something for her as encouragement. May God be with the family during this hard time.

It has been a privilege to learn the things I have been learning in the hospital. I have experienced a lot of good things and a lot of bad things, but I know that in each experience I go through, the Lord is teaching me to be more Christ-like and helping me to grow in the image of his character. I am in the stage of my life here where somewhat all of the “first visit” excitement is wearing out, and I am truly a resident. Sometimes I feel like the day when I will come back to America is so far away, and yet I feel that if I left here, I would feel the same pain. Just as I have been talking to my mother when she was here, Africa is definitely a calling for me. I’m content with where he has brought me, not because it is easy in any sense of the word. It is because I feel the Holy Spirit moving in this place. I cannot say how appreciative I am of the support of prayer from America. Keep it up!
Posted by Elissa

Monday, December 27, 2010
My Revelation
Today I came home from the hospital at noon. I just couldn’t keep working. From practicing everyday with the choir, spending the night at Zara’s house for Christmas (staying up late, waking up early), to working at the hospital everyday 6 days a week. I was just exhausted. I have had many experiences these last few days that I feel are God’s divine appointments. I have talked to many people who have told me they can open their heart up to me. I feel like God is beginning to reveal why I am here. I came to this hospital thinking that I could be an influence to the patients only (by God’s grace I will be as well), but I don’t think God brought me here for other reasons. Not for those who are necessarily “weak”…physically, but those who are week mentally and spiritually.
Since I have been here, there have been times when I have been weak physically, mentally, and spiritually. When I first arrive, as I might have told you before, I was adamant about staying away from Malaria. Even my family will tell you that I prayed God would protect me. I thought it was going to be this great miracle! “Elissa went to Africa in the most malaria-infested country and came back without a single mosquito bite!” hooray!! The Lord humbles me all the time, and this was one of the times. I know some of you might think this is a ridiculous thought but, since the Lord as humbled me from that experience, and I have had malaria twice, I am now able to relate to the patients who walk into the hospital… almost every single one of them! I know that these diseases are dangerous, and I am still motivated to keep as healthy as possible, but if God brought me here, there is a reason why he puts me through these situations. I am living my life for Jesus Christ! What more do I need? Like it says in 2 Cor 12:10 “Therefore I am CONTENT with weakness, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong!” Now when persecution comes along, does this verse become invalid? NO! Quite the opposite actually… it is made alive in me! The words have sunk deep into my soul and every morning when I wake up, I relate to these words. I have been physically ill since I’ve been in Africa, but why would God bring me here to this place if he didn’t have a purpose for me? I’m weak, but God is made strong. I go through persecution knowing that God has gone through more. If I am living this life for Him, then there is nothing that I need to fear, for he is my provider.
Mentally, each day can become challenging. The only thing I wanted to do today was come home and shut my door to the world and be alone. Thankfully I got a few hours to myself (much needed). After I practiced with the choir and came home again, I just wanted to go to sleep. It was about 6 o clock. I laid down for a little bit, and realized I hadn’t eaten. Just a little bit ago, I got up and went to the kitchen. I was afraid to turn on my light for fear someone would see that I was home?. After turning on the light, I stood there for a few moments, listening for anyone outside. Finally, I relaxed… “Eliza!!!” I was startled by Pierre’s voice outside. I had forgotten that Pierre comes to my house every night and sleeps outside to watch over me. Since Pierre has been here, Caitlin and I have taken up the job of feeding him every night. We would always ask him when he came in, “when was the last time you ate?” he would tell us it was that morning. Caitlin never liked his answer and would stuff his face most every night. Now that she is gone, it is my responsibility to remember him and his needs. She even put a sign up that says, “feed Pierre”. I see it everyday ?! I realized after hearing his voice outside, that I have an obligation. An obligation to be mentally alert for those who are in need. I feel that God will give me strength in this situation as well. “Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in HUMILITY, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself. Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but about the interests of others as well.” Phil 2:3,4. Because of the fact that I was so mentally exhausted, I didn’t want to feed Pierre, but God spoke to me tonight about true humility. Being a servant even when you are totally and completely mentally exhausted yourself. He gives you strength to go a little bit further when you feel like you are going to crash… and a little bit further, and a little bit further. I have realized that nothing in my life has not been overcome. Always… when I feel like I can’t go on anymore, my heavenly father steps in once again.
My spirituality has been faltering. I can hear you saying… “How can that be when you are serving the Lord in Africa? You have to lean on the Lord for everything in those kinds of places. That is what the experience is all about?” Well, to be quite honest with you, I haven’t had personal devotions for a while. The Lord has allowed me to slip away from the most important thing in my life so that I could try and see if I can be strong without him. Not only that, but I have tried to be spiritual without him. I honestly think that is why I am so exhausted today. I have tried to be a spiritual leader without seeking help from the spiritual leader himself! Tonight when I opened my Bible, I broke down in tears because my eyes were opened to my weaknesses. I have tried to be so strong without my source of strength. I can just picture God up in heaven saying to me, “Elissa, you do this every time…and you always come back in my arms exhausted because you tried be strong on your own… just let me carry you and stop worrying about what you can do, but let me worry about what I can do.” I usually picture a smile on His face when he says this, a little side note. He never fails me, I always fail him, but he is gracious and kind, and will let me fall so I can get back up and say, “God is my stronghold, a present help in time of trouble.”
Lately, like I was saying before, God has lead me to people who are really in need of a friend. I have gotten to pray, cry, and laugh with those who have been struggling. God has been using me (in my weakness) to reach out to these people. Three people have said they can open up their heart to me because they feel comfortable. That is not because I have done anything, but God who has allowed me to be a spiritual mentor. I feel he can use me to bring peace and tranquility to the hospital and those who come in and out each day. I pray that I will be an instrument of peace in what seems like a place full of disaster. I just need to remember these words when I am helping those in need “I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused it to grow. So neither the one who plants counts for anything, nor the one who waters, but God who causes the growth.” 1 Cor 3:6,7. I am just one person working with other people, but God is in this story. He has his hand on the hospital, and he will continue to grow all of us together spiritually.
This is what is on my mind tonight. I have many things to talk about in later blogs, but I want this entry to be one that when you read it, you will think of the hospital and the experiences that I have had here. I have lost sleep over these thoughts I’ve shared with you tonight. Continue to PRAY WITHOUT CEASING! God has been and is going to do amazing things here and I firmly believe that when we pray, our prayers are not unanswered. God bless us.

Some songs that we are singing in the Choir for the concert this weekend:
Chant en France:
Qu’it sont beaux sur les montagnes
Les pieds de ceui qui anonee
La paix la bonne nouvelle qui publie le salut.

Chant en Mafa:
Ndo madzahi tele veske nga tsukonri
A sam yesu Bi a sa van pambi na

A sa van pambi na
A san van woufe ndav

Chant en Fulfulde (I think):
Oh ta mbarou djoke sam baba
Nafinta ma yetsu ha yesu
Bone ma hukou donte ma fu ha
Yesu oh walete ronduggo nde

An baba a mouya le
Bana yesus an dada a mouya le
Ps. we are singing about 10-15 songs in total.
Posted by Elissa